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dimity_blueWarning: extreme late night silliness.
Note: The feet sniffing reference is from a conversation between Nancy and myself about how Sentinels could go for the ankles instead of the neck.
I do not claim that it made sense.
~~~
The Duke and the Myopic Guide
by Arnie
with comments from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kungfunurse (KFN) and raphe1 (Nancy).
Once upon a time, there was a sad and lonely Sentinel. He knew that he shouldn't have been lonely - after all, he was the Senior Sentinel Prime of the Cascade Clan - but, alas, he had no Guide.
[Nancy: ::sob sob::
KFN: this is gonna be another tear jerker, I can tell]
He wanted a Guide. A Guide of his own. One he could cherish.
[KFN: and snuggle with, and bond to with indecent frequency]
But he wasn't compatible with any of the Guides he'd met so far.
[Nancy: and sniff his feet
KFN: no!
KFN: no feet sniffing in this fic
Nancy: no?
Nancy: ok
KFN: take your sniffy feet to some other chat lady!
Arnie: ::suspects Kiff doesn't go for foot bonding::
KFN: now knee sniffing....
KFN: just behind the tickly part
KFN: that would be interesting]
Then one day, as he was sitting in his chair at the long table, listening to all the other Sentinels and Guides, the doors were pushed open, and one of his Sentinels Prime came in, hauling along a talkative Guide.
"Listen, man, it was just a mistake. How was I do know your wife looked like that? I thought she was a horse."
The Sentinel paused and glared at the Guide.
"A very good-looking horse, of course."
[KFN: "No really! This new way of bonding with the feet could revolutionize the use of cosmetic cover ups for guides everywhere!"
KFN: wow
KFN: talkative but not too bright
KFN: or needs better glasses]
Jim leaned forward. "What seems to be the problem, Sentinel Collins?"
Collins pushed the kid until he was in front of the table. "This Guide hath insultedeth my wifeth."
Jim frowned. "The Guide what?"
[KFN: Collins has a lisp?]
"Insultedeth..." He stopped and sighed. "He insulted my wife."
Jim leaned back in his chair, and sighed too, then sniffed.
As Collins continued talking, explaining how the Guide had insulted his wife - supposedly by accident - Jim left his chair and followed the scent around to where the Guide was standing.
"Look, man, I've told you. It was DARK, she was bent over with a saddle on her back. What was I supposed to think?"
Jim straightened and stared at Collins, who flushed a dark red.
"Why did she have a saddle on her back?" Sentinel Edwards asked, his Guide goggling over the table beside him.
Collins muttered, "Never mind. Okay, kid, you're free to go."
[KFN: wow, how magnanimous of him
Nancy: PONY PLAY?
Nancy: Sarie you PERV
Arnie: I don't know why she had a saddle on her back
KFN: he should have thought this through beforehand
KFN: maybe she was breaking it in for his horse
[KFN: Well, at least the sheep are safe...
Nancy: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
As the Guide stepped back, shrugging his tunic back into place, Jim latched onto the other shoulder. "Wait a minute, Guide...?"
[KFN: just helping to straighten that shirt
KFN: don't mind the Sentinel
Nancy: how kind]
"Sandburg," the kid replied. "Would you mind the shirt? I've just had the Lone Ranger yanking me about."
Collins retreated to the other side of the table, his face flushing an even darker red. Jim opened his mouth, then shut it again. No, he really didn't want to know.
"Anyway," Jim said, instead of following the previous thread of conversation, "you're a Guide. New in town?"
Sandburg nodded. "Yeah. I was looking for a place to stay when -"
"I know where you can stay, Chief." Jim nodded to Sentinel Edwards to take charge, then led Sandburg towards the doors.
"You know someone with a motel?"
Jim nodded. "Well, kind of. It's sorta private."
[KFN: does a spare room count?
KFN: with a pair of French doors?
KFN: and a Sentinel for an alarm in the morning?]
"A private club?" the kid asked, snagging his backpack from just outside the doors.
Jim took it from him. "Well...sort of. Very exclusive."
Jim stopped, suddenly aware the kid wasn't following him.
"I don't think I'm dressed right for an exclusive club."
Stepping back, Jim laid his arm across the Guide's shoulders and urged him forward. "Believe me, you'll do just fine."
[KFN: oh Blair, you won't have to wear much for this place
Nancy: not much at all]
Nancy: he can borrow Kiffie's dress!
KFN: ROFL
Nancy: but he will look cute in it
KFN: almost anyone would
KFN: but the blue would do wonders for his eyes
~'~
Blair looked up at the insistent Sentinel as he was guided - no pun intended - through the castle courtyard to the main part of the building. He guessed it would be okay to stay at this 'exclusive club'. He was a bit off by the amount of servants he could see though - just how exclusive was this exclusive club? And he nearly tripped when one of them addressed the Sentinel as 'Your Grace'. "You're a duke?!"
The Sentinel smiled down at him, and Blair suddenly realised that the Sentinel, whose arm was still resting casually across his shoulders, was rather determined-looking.
[KFN: maybe he should have tried reasoning with pony boy....
Nancy: Blair really isn't too bright...]
"Yep. So, Masterson, I'd like a meal brought up to the main suite in about," the Sentinel eyed Blair, "an hour."
[KFN: maybe 90 minutes, Blair looks a bit feisty...]
Blair eyed the Sentinel in return. "I don't need food, man, honestly. I'm fine."
He tried to back off, but the arm tightened. "It'll be our pleasure, Blair. You must have been travelling for quite some time."
"Uh..." Blair thought quickly. "Yes! And I'm so tired! Wow." He looked at his portable sun dial. "Is that the time?"
The Sentinel smiled. "Let me escort you to the main suite."
[KFN: wow, neato gadget, works well at night....
Arnie: battery operated - sheesh, Kiffin
Arnie: how else would they tell the time at night??
Nancy: what else does Blair have that is battery operated?
Arnie:
KFN: <---- wants to see Blair's battery operated toys too
Arnie: I can stop, you know
KFN: no!
Arnie: ::warns::
KFN: I'll smack Nancy too if it helps!
Arnie: ooh, yeah
Arnie: hit 'er, hit 'er!
Nancy: oooh Kiffie
KFN: c'mer Nan, I've got something for ya....
Nancy: you got those black thigh top boots?
KFN: and a nice new paddle
Arnie: wenches, the pair of you
Arnie: finished?
Nancy: do go on Sarie
KFN: please
Arnie: right then...]
"Main? Main as in the main one?" Blair tried to slow their pace but the Sentinel seemed to be in a hurry. As he was pretty well dragged up the stairs and along a corridor, Blair began to panic in earnest.
As the Sentinel reached a pair of double doors, Blair ducked and twisted suddenly only to find the back of his tunic caught. "Not so fast, Chief. You haven't seen the main bonding suite yet."
Blair started struggling. He'd assumed the worst of the Sentinel's attentions, but this? This was even worse than the worst!
Blair refused to take the time to sort out his muddled logic.
[Nancy: Bonding?!
Nancy: SWEET SUITE
KFN: kick him in the nads!
KFN: why doesn't Blair want to bond to a duke?
Nancy: Jim might NEED THOSE
Arnie: (Blair was doing polite struggling - kind of squirming to get away)
KFN: I bet he's got a whirlpool in his bedroom and everything
KFN: well, then
KFN: Kick him in the shins, Blair!
KFN: Or I hear the instep is pretty painful....]
As he was pulled through the door, into a large room with a large comfortable-looking bonding platform on it, Blair cried, "You don't want to bond with me!"
[KFN: I'm too tough!
KFN: wait for my elder brother
KFN: he's much more succulent than I
Nancy: succulent?
Nancy: and his feet are tastier]
"Yes, I do, Chief," the Sentinel assured him.
"No, no - I'm a modern Guide I believe in equality and everything."
As he'd expected, the Sentinel laughed, then wheezed as Blair's elbow jabbed him in the ribs.
Blair twisted free, then came to an abrupt halt as his tunic was caught again. Briefly, he wished that Naomi hadn't insisted on going to Ye Olde Best Shoppe Withe Goode Qualitye Clothes. If she'd shopped at Ye Olde Wal-Marte like he'd wanted, his tunic would have torn by now. Instead, the Sentinel was using it to haul Blair to the bonding platform.
[KFN: but WHY doesn't Blair want to bond?
KFN: this seems to be a pretty sweet deal to me...
Nancy: me too]
As he was pushed onto, then down onto the platform, Blair stopped struggling, instead choosing to listen to the wise words of an old friend.
Lady Kiffie had asked him, many times, "Blair, why dost thou not want to bond? This seemeth to be a sweeteth deal to me. Thou dolt."
Blair sighed. Maybe Kiffie was right. And at least she wasn't talking about Sentinels having foot fetishes, unlike Lady Nancie who seemed to have a thing for toes.
"Giving in?" the Sentinel asked.
Blair sighed again. "As long as you don't bite my feet like Lady Nancie said you would."
Jim frowned. "Not on the first bonding, Chief." Then he lunged, his sharp teeth biting into the Guide's neck.
Blair's cry of outrage changed into a moan of delight as the bonding heat rushed through his veins and exploded through his mind.
As the room whirled, Blair shut his eyes, and made a mental note to get his Sentinel to redecorate the ceiling as it was very plain with an ugly chandelier in the centre.
[KFN: What in the world does Jim have on his ceiling?
KFN: and Blair called Jim his Sentinel!
Nancy: a MIRROR?
KFN: I'm betting Jim's a mirror guy
Nancy: RED VELVET?
KFN: yup
Arnie: plain with chandelier
KFN: so there!
Arnie: (probably Ye Olde Knocke Offe from Wal-Marte)
KFN: Blair's the mirror guy in the relationship then]
The Guide relaxed into unconsciousness, and the Sentinel frowned, then dismissed thoughts of redecoration, and snuggled up beside his Guide.
After a few seconds, Jim opened his eyes and peered upwards.
He was right. That was one ugly chandelier.
The Endeth
Note: The feet sniffing reference is from a conversation between Nancy and myself about how Sentinels could go for the ankles instead of the neck.
I do not claim that it made sense.
~~~
The Duke and the Myopic Guide
by Arnie
with comments from
kungfunurse (KFN) and raphe1 (Nancy).Once upon a time, there was a sad and lonely Sentinel. He knew that he shouldn't have been lonely - after all, he was the Senior Sentinel Prime of the Cascade Clan - but, alas, he had no Guide.
[Nancy: ::sob sob::
KFN: this is gonna be another tear jerker, I can tell]
He wanted a Guide. A Guide of his own. One he could cherish.
[KFN: and snuggle with, and bond to with indecent frequency]
But he wasn't compatible with any of the Guides he'd met so far.
[Nancy: and sniff his feet
KFN: no!
KFN: no feet sniffing in this fic
Nancy: no?
Nancy: ok
KFN: take your sniffy feet to some other chat lady!
Arnie: ::suspects Kiff doesn't go for foot bonding::
KFN: now knee sniffing....
KFN: just behind the tickly part
KFN: that would be interesting]
Then one day, as he was sitting in his chair at the long table, listening to all the other Sentinels and Guides, the doors were pushed open, and one of his Sentinels Prime came in, hauling along a talkative Guide.
"Listen, man, it was just a mistake. How was I do know your wife looked like that? I thought she was a horse."
The Sentinel paused and glared at the Guide.
"A very good-looking horse, of course."
[KFN: "No really! This new way of bonding with the feet could revolutionize the use of cosmetic cover ups for guides everywhere!"
KFN: wow
KFN: talkative but not too bright
KFN: or needs better glasses]
Jim leaned forward. "What seems to be the problem, Sentinel Collins?"
Collins pushed the kid until he was in front of the table. "This Guide hath insultedeth my wifeth."
Jim frowned. "The Guide what?"
[KFN: Collins has a lisp?]
"Insultedeth..." He stopped and sighed. "He insulted my wife."
Jim leaned back in his chair, and sighed too, then sniffed.
As Collins continued talking, explaining how the Guide had insulted his wife - supposedly by accident - Jim left his chair and followed the scent around to where the Guide was standing.
"Look, man, I've told you. It was DARK, she was bent over with a saddle on her back. What was I supposed to think?"
Jim straightened and stared at Collins, who flushed a dark red.
"Why did she have a saddle on her back?" Sentinel Edwards asked, his Guide goggling over the table beside him.
Collins muttered, "Never mind. Okay, kid, you're free to go."
[KFN: wow, how magnanimous of him
Nancy: PONY PLAY?
Nancy: Sarie you PERV
Arnie: I don't know why she had a saddle on her back
KFN: he should have thought this through beforehand
KFN: maybe she was breaking it in for his horse
[KFN: Well, at least the sheep are safe...
Nancy: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
As the Guide stepped back, shrugging his tunic back into place, Jim latched onto the other shoulder. "Wait a minute, Guide...?"
[KFN: just helping to straighten that shirt
KFN: don't mind the Sentinel
Nancy: how kind]
"Sandburg," the kid replied. "Would you mind the shirt? I've just had the Lone Ranger yanking me about."
Collins retreated to the other side of the table, his face flushing an even darker red. Jim opened his mouth, then shut it again. No, he really didn't want to know.
"Anyway," Jim said, instead of following the previous thread of conversation, "you're a Guide. New in town?"
Sandburg nodded. "Yeah. I was looking for a place to stay when -"
"I know where you can stay, Chief." Jim nodded to Sentinel Edwards to take charge, then led Sandburg towards the doors.
"You know someone with a motel?"
Jim nodded. "Well, kind of. It's sorta private."
[KFN: does a spare room count?
KFN: with a pair of French doors?
KFN: and a Sentinel for an alarm in the morning?]
"A private club?" the kid asked, snagging his backpack from just outside the doors.
Jim took it from him. "Well...sort of. Very exclusive."
Jim stopped, suddenly aware the kid wasn't following him.
"I don't think I'm dressed right for an exclusive club."
Stepping back, Jim laid his arm across the Guide's shoulders and urged him forward. "Believe me, you'll do just fine."
[KFN: oh Blair, you won't have to wear much for this place
Nancy: not much at all]
Nancy: he can borrow Kiffie's dress!
KFN: ROFL
Nancy: but he will look cute in it
KFN: almost anyone would
KFN: but the blue would do wonders for his eyes
~'~
Blair looked up at the insistent Sentinel as he was guided - no pun intended - through the castle courtyard to the main part of the building. He guessed it would be okay to stay at this 'exclusive club'. He was a bit off by the amount of servants he could see though - just how exclusive was this exclusive club? And he nearly tripped when one of them addressed the Sentinel as 'Your Grace'. "You're a duke?!"
The Sentinel smiled down at him, and Blair suddenly realised that the Sentinel, whose arm was still resting casually across his shoulders, was rather determined-looking.
[KFN: maybe he should have tried reasoning with pony boy....
Nancy: Blair really isn't too bright...]
"Yep. So, Masterson, I'd like a meal brought up to the main suite in about," the Sentinel eyed Blair, "an hour."
[KFN: maybe 90 minutes, Blair looks a bit feisty...]
Blair eyed the Sentinel in return. "I don't need food, man, honestly. I'm fine."
He tried to back off, but the arm tightened. "It'll be our pleasure, Blair. You must have been travelling for quite some time."
"Uh..." Blair thought quickly. "Yes! And I'm so tired! Wow." He looked at his portable sun dial. "Is that the time?"
The Sentinel smiled. "Let me escort you to the main suite."
[KFN: wow, neato gadget, works well at night....
Arnie: battery operated - sheesh, Kiffin
Arnie: how else would they tell the time at night??
Nancy: what else does Blair have that is battery operated?
Arnie:
KFN: <---- wants to see Blair's battery operated toys too
Arnie: I can stop, you know
KFN: no!
Arnie: ::warns::
KFN: I'll smack Nancy too if it helps!
Arnie: ooh, yeah
Arnie: hit 'er, hit 'er!
Nancy: oooh Kiffie
KFN: c'mer Nan, I've got something for ya....
Nancy: you got those black thigh top boots?
KFN: and a nice new paddle
Arnie: wenches, the pair of you
Arnie: finished?
Nancy: do go on Sarie
KFN: please
Arnie: right then...]
"Main? Main as in the main one?" Blair tried to slow their pace but the Sentinel seemed to be in a hurry. As he was pretty well dragged up the stairs and along a corridor, Blair began to panic in earnest.
As the Sentinel reached a pair of double doors, Blair ducked and twisted suddenly only to find the back of his tunic caught. "Not so fast, Chief. You haven't seen the main bonding suite yet."
Blair started struggling. He'd assumed the worst of the Sentinel's attentions, but this? This was even worse than the worst!
Blair refused to take the time to sort out his muddled logic.
[Nancy: Bonding?!
Nancy: SWEET SUITE
KFN: kick him in the nads!
KFN: why doesn't Blair want to bond to a duke?
Nancy: Jim might NEED THOSE
Arnie: (Blair was doing polite struggling - kind of squirming to get away)
KFN: I bet he's got a whirlpool in his bedroom and everything
KFN: well, then
KFN: Kick him in the shins, Blair!
KFN: Or I hear the instep is pretty painful....]
As he was pulled through the door, into a large room with a large comfortable-looking bonding platform on it, Blair cried, "You don't want to bond with me!"
[KFN: I'm too tough!
KFN: wait for my elder brother
KFN: he's much more succulent than I
Nancy: succulent?
Nancy: and his feet are tastier]
"Yes, I do, Chief," the Sentinel assured him.
"No, no - I'm a modern Guide I believe in equality and everything."
As he'd expected, the Sentinel laughed, then wheezed as Blair's elbow jabbed him in the ribs.
Blair twisted free, then came to an abrupt halt as his tunic was caught again. Briefly, he wished that Naomi hadn't insisted on going to Ye Olde Best Shoppe Withe Goode Qualitye Clothes. If she'd shopped at Ye Olde Wal-Marte like he'd wanted, his tunic would have torn by now. Instead, the Sentinel was using it to haul Blair to the bonding platform.
[KFN: but WHY doesn't Blair want to bond?
KFN: this seems to be a pretty sweet deal to me...
Nancy: me too]
As he was pushed onto, then down onto the platform, Blair stopped struggling, instead choosing to listen to the wise words of an old friend.
Lady Kiffie had asked him, many times, "Blair, why dost thou not want to bond? This seemeth to be a sweeteth deal to me. Thou dolt."
Blair sighed. Maybe Kiffie was right. And at least she wasn't talking about Sentinels having foot fetishes, unlike Lady Nancie who seemed to have a thing for toes.
"Giving in?" the Sentinel asked.
Blair sighed again. "As long as you don't bite my feet like Lady Nancie said you would."
Jim frowned. "Not on the first bonding, Chief." Then he lunged, his sharp teeth biting into the Guide's neck.
Blair's cry of outrage changed into a moan of delight as the bonding heat rushed through his veins and exploded through his mind.
As the room whirled, Blair shut his eyes, and made a mental note to get his Sentinel to redecorate the ceiling as it was very plain with an ugly chandelier in the centre.
[KFN: What in the world does Jim have on his ceiling?
KFN: and Blair called Jim his Sentinel!
Nancy: a MIRROR?
KFN: I'm betting Jim's a mirror guy
Nancy: RED VELVET?
KFN: yup
Arnie: plain with chandelier
KFN: so there!
Arnie: (probably Ye Olde Knocke Offe from Wal-Marte)
KFN: Blair's the mirror guy in the relationship then]
The Guide relaxed into unconsciousness, and the Sentinel frowned, then dismissed thoughts of redecoration, and snuggled up beside his Guide.
After a few seconds, Jim opened his eyes and peered upwards.
He was right. That was one ugly chandelier.
The Endeth