SGU/SGA fic - The Misfits
Jul. 2nd, 2009 05:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dimity_blueTitle: The Misfits
Author: Arnie
Genre: Humour?
Rating: PG
Warning: I have never seen SGU, and this was inspired by the various posts about it that appeared after SGA's cancellation.
Summary: Rodney wakes up on a new ship.
The Misfits
by Arnie
Rodney sighed happily and turned over in bed. He was, for once, taking a day off. Radek had promised to take care of the lab like it was his own (though Rodney had told him to not get any funny ideas), and SGA-1 was on downtime. That hadn't been their plan, but as Sheppard's hair had been injured the day before on a mission, he was still in the infirmary due to shock.
Teyla had announced her intentions to spend a day playing with her son, and Ronon was probably lurking in the infirmary and growling at shadows.
Therefore Rodney's day was his own. He smiled and stretched. He hadn't had a day off since...since...well, he couldn't remember when. Probably the last time he was in the infirmary - which had not been due to hairshock, thank you very much.
So, his plans...first things first, a shower. Then long, leisurely breakfast in the mess, followed by a long leisurely lunch in the mess, followed by a long, leisurely dinner in the mess. In between the long leisurely times, he planned on appearing in the lab and scaring the life out of Radek. Rodney smiled. He was going to enjoy his day off.
A doorbell chimed and Rodney opened one eye, then opened the other one and sat up. That wasn't his normal Atlantis doorchime...in fact, that wasn't his Atlantis door and these weren't his Atlantis quarters.
He stared around. The room looked pretty much like one of the cabins on the Daedelus. Rodney frowned. What the hell was he doing on the Daedelus when he was supposed to be having a day off?
The doorbell chimed again, and Rodney got up and hurriedly checked that he was decently covered before opening the door. "Yes?"
A beautiful young crewwoman, her uniform clinging to her curves, smiled at him. "Doctor McKay? There's been an...incident? On the bridge?"
Rodney frowned. "Why didn't Colonel Caldwell radio me?"
"Colonel Caldwell?" She screwed up her face as she thought. "I don't think he's on board."
"Right." Rodney sighed. "Is it urgent or can I get dressed first?"
"Oh." She looked him up and down. "Well, I guess...you can get dressed."
Rodney was used to dealing with morons, but he'd thought even the US military had standards. "Okay, let me rephrase that: is anything about to blow up?"
She looked relieved. "No, sir." Doubt crept into her vacant eyes. "At least, I don't think so."
"Fine." Ducking back into the cabin, Rodney grabbed a pair of trousers and dragged them on over his boxers. He'd have a shower later.
~~~
It wasn't until they were on the bridge that Rodney realised they weren't on the Daedalus. Narrowing his gaze, he stared at the five crewmembers there, four of whom were staring back at him. The crewwoman who'd led him here was gazing at the ceiling.
Rodney glanced up to check there was nothing there, then dismissed it from his mind.
"Okay, what ship is this and who are you?"
"Lieutenant Nash, sir!" The young black man snapped a salute at him and Rodney blinked.
"At ease, Lieutenant." Rodney blinked again when the soldier went into a perfect 'at ease' stance. "And you're in charge?"
The professional façade cracked a little, and Nash glanced at his comrades. "Not quite, sir."
"Then who is in charge?"
There was silence for a few seconds.
Rodney was starting to wonder if he'd have to rephrase all his questions. Didn't these dolts understand English? "Who's your ranking officer?"
"Me, sir." A red-haired young woman saluted him almost as smartly as Nash had. "Captain Tamara Johanson, sir."
"She can't be in charge - she's a medic."
Rodney turned to look at the hulking brute who'd spoken, his muscles straining the seams of his uniform. "And you are?"
"Corporal Stasiak. Sir."
"Let me guess: you're a marine."
Stasiak didn't quite growl at him, but his top lip lifted.
Great. So far he had GI Joe, a medic and uh...that.
There was a giggle from the vacuous blonde. "Psycho's a pussycat." She rubbed her hand over his arm and, surprisingly, didn't lose it. Instead Stasiak was giving her an infatuated look.
Rodney almost gagged.
The last member of the group, a thin, sandy-haired young man with a pronounced Adam's apple did gag. Loudly. "Knock it off, you two. Get a cabin!"
"Hitchcock!" Nash barked.
Stasiak glared then went back to looking soppily at the unnamed woman.
"Okay, so you're Hitchcock and you're...." Rodney waited, looking at the woman.
"She's Carpenter, sir," Johanson told him. "Cloe Carpenter."
Carpenter...Carpenter...wasn't there a Senator, a friend of Kinsey...?
"She's Senator Carpenter's daughter, sir," Nash put in.
"And she's the reason we're in this mess!" Hitchcock snapped, looking unhappy.
"Mess? We're in a mess? What kind of mess?" And why was Rodney himself in it?
Nash stepped forward. He glanced around, then murmured, confidentially, "We're kind of stranded, sir."
Rodney looked around. He suspected that all those present - with the exception of Carpenter - knew that, so why Nash was being confidential was beyond him. "What do you mean 'stranded'?"
"Carpenter pushed a button and sent us careering off through space," Hitchcock told him. He flicked a contemptuous look at the oblivious woman. "I managed to bring the ship to a standstill but we uh..." He looked annoyed, as if it pained him to admit it. "We don't know where we are."
Rodney sighed. And it was up to him to save the day - as usual. "Okay, first things first: what ship is this?"
"This is the Icarus, sir." That was Nash again.
"Very appropriate name. Let's avoid the sun, shall we?"
Three of them looked at him blankly. Stasiak and Carpenter were busy looking at each other.
"Right. So which button?"
"Carpenter!" Nash snapped.
It took a few seconds, but she finally responded. "You want me?"
Hitchcock sighed loudly but kept silent when Rodney glared at him.
"You pushed a button?" Rodney reminded her. "Which one?"
She looked around vaguely, then smiled as Stasiak wrapped his arms around her. "It's around here somewhere."
"Somewhere...where, precisely?" Rodney prodded. The sooner he got them home, the sooner he could get back to Atlantis and his long leisurely meals interspersed with frightening Radek.
She shrugged. "Oh! It was blue!" Her smile widened. "Like my eyes. That's my favourite colour."
Rodney looked around.
"There are no blue buttons!" Hitchcock told her. He took a step towards her, then backed off when Stasiak growled. "Down, boy!"
Stasiak's growl grew louder and he pushed Carpenter to one side.
"Whoa! You - stay!" Rodney pointed at the ground in front of Stasiak. "You," he turned to face Hitchcock, "keep quiet."
There was a softer growl from Stasiak, but he returned to holding Carpenter.
Rodney drew on all his reserves and summoned up a smile. There was no point annihilating Carpenter until he had the information. Plus, Stasiak was armed. "Carpenter, are you sure the button was blue?"
She looked around. "Okay, maybe it was silver."
Right, because silver was so much like blue. Giving it up as a bad job, Rodney turned to the computer and started extracting information from there. Maybe if he found out how the ship worked, he could work out what Carpenter did.
Frowning, he realised something important. "You, Nash!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I need coffee."
~~~
Several hours later, Rodney retreated to his cabin for a break and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd spent all day working on the computer, and he had to admit he was stumped. He had no idea what Carpenter had done.
Which meant he had no idea how to get them home. Which meant...he was marooned on board this ship with those...cretins. He was doomed.
Like a modern day Flying Dutchman, he was cursed to wander the universe with them as his companions. He couldn't wait to go insane - he'd undoubtedly feel better.
Turning onto his side, Rodney stared at the wall. Maybe he could lose them. Get lost on some planet somewhere? He'd have to make sure it was one with a 'gate so he could make his way back to the Pegasus Galaxy. He knew plenty of Stargate addresses, so finding his way to one of their allies wouldn't pose much of a problem.
Dumping the misfits would be a bigger challenge. Nash would undoubtedly see it as their duty to 'rescue' him, and Stasiak could probably double as a bloodhound.
For a brief moment, it played out in Rodney's head. Stasiak sniffing his socks, and giving a howl before lurching off in the direction of the Stargate where Rodney was trying to dial out. They'd probably decide he'd gone mad (why else would he want to escape their wonderful company?) and stick him in a padded room. Well, if they had one. Maybe Johanson could improvise one...or build one out of band aids.
There was a thud and Rodney shut his eyes in despair. They needed him again. They'd probably found the engine room and figured they could make the ship go faster by setting up hamster wheels for half the crew.
There was another thud and he opened his eyes. That hadn't come from the door - anyway, even Carpenter could figure out how to use the doorchime.
Rodney rolled onto his back and peered around, then sat up. He couldn't see anyth -
A scream ripped its way out of his throat, then died in embarrassment as Rodney realised the hideous figure pressed up against the window was Sheppard in a spacesuit.
Leaping from his bed, Rodney scrambled to the window and told Sheppard how happy he was to see him. "What are you doing out there, you maniac? Get in here and save me!" Sheppard made various gestures, and Rodney made a few of his own back at him. "This is no time for charades, you mentally-impaired lothario! I'm stranded with the cast of American Idol!"
Instead of agreeing that Rodney had been through a terrible ordeal that had endangered his IQ, Sheppard made a few more gestures, then started working his way along the side of the ship. It didn't take long for Rodney's brilliant brain to work things out: he needed an airlock.
He ran to the door, then ran back and grabbed his pants. Rodney refused to be rescued while only wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.
Hopping on one leg while he yanked the other trouser leg into place, Rodney got into the hallway, got his trousers in place and fastened, then ran. Please God he could make it out before 90210 realised he was making a break for it and tried to make him stay.
He found an airlock, and a search of nearby closets gave him a spacesuit. He was dragging it out of the closet when he realised Sheppard was at the airlock and back to making gestures.
Rodney peered at the controls, then depressurised the compartment. The sooner he spoke to Sheppard, the sooner he found out what was going on.
The inner door had barely hissed open before Sheppard was pulling off his helmet. "Where the hell have you been? And what are you doing on board this ship?"
"Don't ask me! I was hoping you'd have the answers!" Rodney double-checked that he'd locked the door. "I woke up this morning in a cabin here." He sat down and thrust his legs into the suit. "And I've been here all day!" He stopped suddenly. "How did you find me?"
"Radek found out. We were searching Atlantis for you." Sheppard smiled suddenly. "Ronon thought you'd gone crazy and gone off to live in one of the towers - he's been reading fairytales to Teyla's kid."
"But how did Radek find out?" Rodney insisted, yanking the sleeves into place.
"He didn't say. He did say something about someone called Mallozzi though." Sheppard shrugged. "You'll have to ask him about it later."
"Okay." If Rodney was honest, he didn't care. He just wanted to get back home. "What about that lot?" he asked, jerking his head at the door.
Sheppard shook his head. "Radek said we bring them back, he'll blow up the city. He seemed pretty serious."
"I don't blame him." Rodney had, after all, spent a day with them. That was more than enough. "Okay, now what?"
"Get your helmet on. We go out through the airlock and across the line to the puddlejumper. Once we're in, we close the hatch and repressurise."
His helmet in place, Rodney stepped into the airlock, Sheppard at his side. The outer door slid open, and there it was - one of Atlantis' puddlejumpers, waiting for him, with Ronon and Teyla in spacesuits in the back.
The radio clicked in his ear. "Hold on tight, McKay," Sheppard said. "We're going home."
The end
Author: Arnie
Genre: Humour?
Rating: PG
Warning: I have never seen SGU, and this was inspired by the various posts about it that appeared after SGA's cancellation.
Summary: Rodney wakes up on a new ship.
The Misfits
by Arnie
Rodney sighed happily and turned over in bed. He was, for once, taking a day off. Radek had promised to take care of the lab like it was his own (though Rodney had told him to not get any funny ideas), and SGA-1 was on downtime. That hadn't been their plan, but as Sheppard's hair had been injured the day before on a mission, he was still in the infirmary due to shock.
Teyla had announced her intentions to spend a day playing with her son, and Ronon was probably lurking in the infirmary and growling at shadows.
Therefore Rodney's day was his own. He smiled and stretched. He hadn't had a day off since...since...well, he couldn't remember when. Probably the last time he was in the infirmary - which had not been due to hairshock, thank you very much.
So, his plans...first things first, a shower. Then long, leisurely breakfast in the mess, followed by a long leisurely lunch in the mess, followed by a long, leisurely dinner in the mess. In between the long leisurely times, he planned on appearing in the lab and scaring the life out of Radek. Rodney smiled. He was going to enjoy his day off.
A doorbell chimed and Rodney opened one eye, then opened the other one and sat up. That wasn't his normal Atlantis doorchime...in fact, that wasn't his Atlantis door and these weren't his Atlantis quarters.
He stared around. The room looked pretty much like one of the cabins on the Daedelus. Rodney frowned. What the hell was he doing on the Daedelus when he was supposed to be having a day off?
The doorbell chimed again, and Rodney got up and hurriedly checked that he was decently covered before opening the door. "Yes?"
A beautiful young crewwoman, her uniform clinging to her curves, smiled at him. "Doctor McKay? There's been an...incident? On the bridge?"
Rodney frowned. "Why didn't Colonel Caldwell radio me?"
"Colonel Caldwell?" She screwed up her face as she thought. "I don't think he's on board."
"Right." Rodney sighed. "Is it urgent or can I get dressed first?"
"Oh." She looked him up and down. "Well, I guess...you can get dressed."
Rodney was used to dealing with morons, but he'd thought even the US military had standards. "Okay, let me rephrase that: is anything about to blow up?"
She looked relieved. "No, sir." Doubt crept into her vacant eyes. "At least, I don't think so."
"Fine." Ducking back into the cabin, Rodney grabbed a pair of trousers and dragged them on over his boxers. He'd have a shower later.
~~~
It wasn't until they were on the bridge that Rodney realised they weren't on the Daedalus. Narrowing his gaze, he stared at the five crewmembers there, four of whom were staring back at him. The crewwoman who'd led him here was gazing at the ceiling.
Rodney glanced up to check there was nothing there, then dismissed it from his mind.
"Okay, what ship is this and who are you?"
"Lieutenant Nash, sir!" The young black man snapped a salute at him and Rodney blinked.
"At ease, Lieutenant." Rodney blinked again when the soldier went into a perfect 'at ease' stance. "And you're in charge?"
The professional façade cracked a little, and Nash glanced at his comrades. "Not quite, sir."
"Then who is in charge?"
There was silence for a few seconds.
Rodney was starting to wonder if he'd have to rephrase all his questions. Didn't these dolts understand English? "Who's your ranking officer?"
"Me, sir." A red-haired young woman saluted him almost as smartly as Nash had. "Captain Tamara Johanson, sir."
"She can't be in charge - she's a medic."
Rodney turned to look at the hulking brute who'd spoken, his muscles straining the seams of his uniform. "And you are?"
"Corporal Stasiak. Sir."
"Let me guess: you're a marine."
Stasiak didn't quite growl at him, but his top lip lifted.
Great. So far he had GI Joe, a medic and uh...that.
There was a giggle from the vacuous blonde. "Psycho's a pussycat." She rubbed her hand over his arm and, surprisingly, didn't lose it. Instead Stasiak was giving her an infatuated look.
Rodney almost gagged.
The last member of the group, a thin, sandy-haired young man with a pronounced Adam's apple did gag. Loudly. "Knock it off, you two. Get a cabin!"
"Hitchcock!" Nash barked.
Stasiak glared then went back to looking soppily at the unnamed woman.
"Okay, so you're Hitchcock and you're...." Rodney waited, looking at the woman.
"She's Carpenter, sir," Johanson told him. "Cloe Carpenter."
Carpenter...Carpenter...wasn't there a Senator, a friend of Kinsey...?
"She's Senator Carpenter's daughter, sir," Nash put in.
"And she's the reason we're in this mess!" Hitchcock snapped, looking unhappy.
"Mess? We're in a mess? What kind of mess?" And why was Rodney himself in it?
Nash stepped forward. He glanced around, then murmured, confidentially, "We're kind of stranded, sir."
Rodney looked around. He suspected that all those present - with the exception of Carpenter - knew that, so why Nash was being confidential was beyond him. "What do you mean 'stranded'?"
"Carpenter pushed a button and sent us careering off through space," Hitchcock told him. He flicked a contemptuous look at the oblivious woman. "I managed to bring the ship to a standstill but we uh..." He looked annoyed, as if it pained him to admit it. "We don't know where we are."
Rodney sighed. And it was up to him to save the day - as usual. "Okay, first things first: what ship is this?"
"This is the Icarus, sir." That was Nash again.
"Very appropriate name. Let's avoid the sun, shall we?"
Three of them looked at him blankly. Stasiak and Carpenter were busy looking at each other.
"Right. So which button?"
"Carpenter!" Nash snapped.
It took a few seconds, but she finally responded. "You want me?"
Hitchcock sighed loudly but kept silent when Rodney glared at him.
"You pushed a button?" Rodney reminded her. "Which one?"
She looked around vaguely, then smiled as Stasiak wrapped his arms around her. "It's around here somewhere."
"Somewhere...where, precisely?" Rodney prodded. The sooner he got them home, the sooner he could get back to Atlantis and his long leisurely meals interspersed with frightening Radek.
She shrugged. "Oh! It was blue!" Her smile widened. "Like my eyes. That's my favourite colour."
Rodney looked around.
"There are no blue buttons!" Hitchcock told her. He took a step towards her, then backed off when Stasiak growled. "Down, boy!"
Stasiak's growl grew louder and he pushed Carpenter to one side.
"Whoa! You - stay!" Rodney pointed at the ground in front of Stasiak. "You," he turned to face Hitchcock, "keep quiet."
There was a softer growl from Stasiak, but he returned to holding Carpenter.
Rodney drew on all his reserves and summoned up a smile. There was no point annihilating Carpenter until he had the information. Plus, Stasiak was armed. "Carpenter, are you sure the button was blue?"
She looked around. "Okay, maybe it was silver."
Right, because silver was so much like blue. Giving it up as a bad job, Rodney turned to the computer and started extracting information from there. Maybe if he found out how the ship worked, he could work out what Carpenter did.
Frowning, he realised something important. "You, Nash!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I need coffee."
~~~
Several hours later, Rodney retreated to his cabin for a break and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd spent all day working on the computer, and he had to admit he was stumped. He had no idea what Carpenter had done.
Which meant he had no idea how to get them home. Which meant...he was marooned on board this ship with those...cretins. He was doomed.
Like a modern day Flying Dutchman, he was cursed to wander the universe with them as his companions. He couldn't wait to go insane - he'd undoubtedly feel better.
Turning onto his side, Rodney stared at the wall. Maybe he could lose them. Get lost on some planet somewhere? He'd have to make sure it was one with a 'gate so he could make his way back to the Pegasus Galaxy. He knew plenty of Stargate addresses, so finding his way to one of their allies wouldn't pose much of a problem.
Dumping the misfits would be a bigger challenge. Nash would undoubtedly see it as their duty to 'rescue' him, and Stasiak could probably double as a bloodhound.
For a brief moment, it played out in Rodney's head. Stasiak sniffing his socks, and giving a howl before lurching off in the direction of the Stargate where Rodney was trying to dial out. They'd probably decide he'd gone mad (why else would he want to escape their wonderful company?) and stick him in a padded room. Well, if they had one. Maybe Johanson could improvise one...or build one out of band aids.
There was a thud and Rodney shut his eyes in despair. They needed him again. They'd probably found the engine room and figured they could make the ship go faster by setting up hamster wheels for half the crew.
There was another thud and he opened his eyes. That hadn't come from the door - anyway, even Carpenter could figure out how to use the doorchime.
Rodney rolled onto his back and peered around, then sat up. He couldn't see anyth -
A scream ripped its way out of his throat, then died in embarrassment as Rodney realised the hideous figure pressed up against the window was Sheppard in a spacesuit.
Leaping from his bed, Rodney scrambled to the window and told Sheppard how happy he was to see him. "What are you doing out there, you maniac? Get in here and save me!" Sheppard made various gestures, and Rodney made a few of his own back at him. "This is no time for charades, you mentally-impaired lothario! I'm stranded with the cast of American Idol!"
Instead of agreeing that Rodney had been through a terrible ordeal that had endangered his IQ, Sheppard made a few more gestures, then started working his way along the side of the ship. It didn't take long for Rodney's brilliant brain to work things out: he needed an airlock.
He ran to the door, then ran back and grabbed his pants. Rodney refused to be rescued while only wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.
Hopping on one leg while he yanked the other trouser leg into place, Rodney got into the hallway, got his trousers in place and fastened, then ran. Please God he could make it out before 90210 realised he was making a break for it and tried to make him stay.
He found an airlock, and a search of nearby closets gave him a spacesuit. He was dragging it out of the closet when he realised Sheppard was at the airlock and back to making gestures.
Rodney peered at the controls, then depressurised the compartment. The sooner he spoke to Sheppard, the sooner he found out what was going on.
The inner door had barely hissed open before Sheppard was pulling off his helmet. "Where the hell have you been? And what are you doing on board this ship?"
"Don't ask me! I was hoping you'd have the answers!" Rodney double-checked that he'd locked the door. "I woke up this morning in a cabin here." He sat down and thrust his legs into the suit. "And I've been here all day!" He stopped suddenly. "How did you find me?"
"Radek found out. We were searching Atlantis for you." Sheppard smiled suddenly. "Ronon thought you'd gone crazy and gone off to live in one of the towers - he's been reading fairytales to Teyla's kid."
"But how did Radek find out?" Rodney insisted, yanking the sleeves into place.
"He didn't say. He did say something about someone called Mallozzi though." Sheppard shrugged. "You'll have to ask him about it later."
"Okay." If Rodney was honest, he didn't care. He just wanted to get back home. "What about that lot?" he asked, jerking his head at the door.
Sheppard shook his head. "Radek said we bring them back, he'll blow up the city. He seemed pretty serious."
"I don't blame him." Rodney had, after all, spent a day with them. That was more than enough. "Okay, now what?"
"Get your helmet on. We go out through the airlock and across the line to the puddlejumper. Once we're in, we close the hatch and repressurise."
His helmet in place, Rodney stepped into the airlock, Sheppard at his side. The outer door slid open, and there it was - one of Atlantis' puddlejumpers, waiting for him, with Ronon and Teyla in spacesuits in the back.
The radio clicked in his ear. "Hold on tight, McKay," Sheppard said. "We're going home."
The end
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-02 06:23 pm (UTC)Radek said we bring them back, he'll blow up the city. He seemed pretty serious. Yes!!!Elventyone!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-03 05:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-02 08:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-03 05:47 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked it, Nansi. Thanks for the feedback.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-02 10:27 pm (UTC)I loved the bit about Sheppard hurting his hair!
Reminded me of the lj mood theme someone made a couple of years ago and look like it's still there...
http://blimey-icons.livejournal.com/34018.html
Oh! If only SGU was going to be like that ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-03 05:48 pm (UTC)I'm really glad you liked the story. Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-02 11:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-07-03 05:49 pm (UTC)