Stargate fic again - The Greater Good
May. 4th, 2005 12:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dimity_blueThis is an epilogue I wrote for the Stargate episode "Absolute Power". I think Daniel had a lot to work through after that episode (and who can blame him?).
TITLE: The Greater Good
AUTHOR: Arnie
RATING: 13 and over
SUMMARY: Daniel's thoughts after "Absolute Power".
SPOILERS: "Children of the Gods"; "Cor-Ai"; "Forever in a Day"; "Maternal Instinct" and "Absolute Power".
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tag scene for "Absolute Power".
DISCLAIMER: Again, not mine, never will be.
The Greater Good
by Arnie
Note: Daniel's thoughts are in single speech marks.
Daniel watched the wormhole disengage. Shifu was gone. He was aware of the rest of his team standing near him. They didn't know what to say, he knew that. His last link with Sha're was gone...again.
He turned and gave them a half smile. He needed to be alone, to think things through. Not just about Shifu, but about the things he'd said, the things he'd done. No, he hadn't done any of them, it had all been part of the vision Shifu had given him. But....
A few hours later, he'd managed to persuade Janet that he was okay. No burn marks this time, no fried brains. He was fine. Physically. He'd even managed to give Jack the slip. He'd left the mountain, driven round for half an hour and then headed back. A few casual questions had got him the information that yes, Colonel O'Neill had left.
'Yeah. He's probably looking for me. Jack's as bad as a bloodhound for tracking me down. What is it, I've got a tracker attached to my butt?'
He got to his office without meeting anyone except a few SGC crewmen - thank God. He'd given Jack the slip deliberately. He didn't want anyone fussing over him, trying to make sure that his emotions were still reasonably intact...again.
He slumped in his chair and sighed. He had to think about what he'd done...what he would have done...if Shifu had really given him those memories instead of being a hellova lot smarter than Dr. Daniel Jackson, PhD, merely giving him a vision.
'Absolute power corrupts absolutely.'
Daniel gave a laugh. He'd always thought of himself as a good person, he'd always had that certainty about himself. He'd never wanted to hurt anyone and yet one tiny bit of power and there he was, blowing up Moscow and sending its residents to kingdom come. For the greater good.
Memories of his year of power flitted through his mind and he started sifting through them. He'd managed to kill Teal'c, by sending him on a mission that was bound to get him killed, got Sam arrested and thrown in prison, and humiliated Jack.
'Where's your moral compass now, Dr. Jackson?'
And the worst of it was, he knew why he'd done everything. And he knew, that at the time everything had been the right thing to do. Except for Teal'c. He'd never realised how much anger he still had inside of him over Sha're until he'd had the ability to punish Teal'c for ruining his life.
Had everything he'd said on Cartago been a lie? He'd defended Teal'c, claimed that Teal'c was a good person - and yet he'd been happy to see him die. Removed from Daniel's life so that he would no longer have to be reminded of the fact that Sha're had suffered due to Teal'c's actions, and died due to Teal'c's damnable desire to save Daniel's life.
Oh God. He hated Teal'c for saving his life. He'd just never seen it till now.
And Sam? Too smart for her own good. He'd cut her out of his life, and cut her out of the project because he knew she'd see through him. His final act towards her had been to get her put into prison where she would be conveniently out of his way.
Did he really hate two of his best friends that much that he never wanted to see them again? No, he knew that part wasn't true. Part of him, a very dark, deep, hidden part of him, hated Teal'c. Hated him for killing Sha're. Hated him for choosing her to be Amonet's host. But he didn't really hate Teal'c. Not really. Teal'c had never had a choice until Jack came along and offered him the chance to do good instead of bad. Teal'c had been prepared to die on Cartago, to pay for his part in Apophis's evil. Teal'c wasn't evil. Daniel had forgiven Teal'c a long time ago for everything he'd done. He knew that Teal'c could never forgive himself, part of what made him so strong was his determination to never cause such pain ever again. And Daniel knew that he admired Teal'c - his honour, his courage. He didn't hate Teal'c.
And Sam? No, he didn't hate Sam. He could never hate Sam. Everything he'd done, except for Teal'c, had been to protect the world from the Goa'uld. That was the irony of it. He'd killed thousands to save more. In spite of his fondness for Sam, he'd had to get her away from himself. Otherwise, she would have seen what he was up to and try to stop him. Try to save him from himself. He'd become a monster to defend the world from monsters.
Everything he'd done, everything he'd said had been to save Earth. No matter what the cost to him. His friendships, his integrity, his honesty, he'd sold them all to save Earth. He realised that all of his drive, ambition, stubborness, came from that dark part of himself, that would do almost anything to save his world. To save people from suffering the pain and anguish of seeing the woman they loved raise a hand to destroy them.
And Jack. What about Jack? Daniel sat up straighter and rubbed the threatened tears away angrily. He'd humiliated Jack. Look at me, I'm the smart one! See what I can do? You're not so big and in control now, are you Jack? He might as well have said it all. He knew that Jack had a tendency to...protect him. Treat him like a kid brother, extra smart in some ways, not so smart in others.
*Geez Daniel, when you gonna learn to duck?*
'Oh God.'
Daniel buried his head in his hands. Jack's...fear...of him had pleased him. He'd felt like he'd grown up and stepped out of Jack's shadow at last. Not just Danny boy who needed a smart mouthed Colonel to keep him out of trouble and save his ass time and time again. At least, that was how a lot of people seemed to see him. No, this time he'd been the one in control. He'd never realised. He'd never seen how much he wanted people's respect. He wanted to be able to go back to those stuffed shirts who'd disbelieved him about the pyramids and say, "See? You were wrong!" He wanted to show them all and he'd shown Jack.
'Damn. Damn, damn, damn. What do you do now, Dr. Jackson?'
And yet, he didn't want to show Jack anything. He knew that Jack respected him, his brains, and his knowledge. He didn't have anything to prove to Jack. That had just been a by-product of showing all those politicians...all those stuffed shirts...how wrong they were. How weak they were. He'd taken control for the greater good. He'd been prepared to kill for the greater good. At least he hadn't really done it. At least he didn't have that to deal with - just the knowledge that he would have done it if he could.
And he'd deal with it. No matter what the cost to his heart, or his soul. He'd deal with the truth because that was what he'd always done. No matter how much pain it caused, he'd always preferred the truth to lies.
He heard footsteps coming down the corridor and raised his head.
'The tracker must be working.'
The door opened.
"Hey," Jack said casually.
"Hey, Jack."
"What ya doin'?"
"Just thinking."
Jack came in and shut the door. "Need any help?"
Daniel sighed. The smart mouthed Colonel was going to get him out of trouble again, he guessed, but he wouldn't have it any other way. "I'm gonna be okay."
"Course you are, kid," Jack grinned. He'd spent an hour searching before thinking to call the mountain and see if Danny had doubled back there. But he didn't mind. That's what friends are for.
And Danny smiled back.
~finis~
TITLE: The Greater Good
AUTHOR: Arnie
RATING: 13 and over
SUMMARY: Daniel's thoughts after "Absolute Power".
SPOILERS: "Children of the Gods"; "Cor-Ai"; "Forever in a Day"; "Maternal Instinct" and "Absolute Power".
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tag scene for "Absolute Power".
DISCLAIMER: Again, not mine, never will be.
The Greater Good
by Arnie
Note: Daniel's thoughts are in single speech marks.
Daniel watched the wormhole disengage. Shifu was gone. He was aware of the rest of his team standing near him. They didn't know what to say, he knew that. His last link with Sha're was gone...again.
He turned and gave them a half smile. He needed to be alone, to think things through. Not just about Shifu, but about the things he'd said, the things he'd done. No, he hadn't done any of them, it had all been part of the vision Shifu had given him. But....
A few hours later, he'd managed to persuade Janet that he was okay. No burn marks this time, no fried brains. He was fine. Physically. He'd even managed to give Jack the slip. He'd left the mountain, driven round for half an hour and then headed back. A few casual questions had got him the information that yes, Colonel O'Neill had left.
'Yeah. He's probably looking for me. Jack's as bad as a bloodhound for tracking me down. What is it, I've got a tracker attached to my butt?'
He got to his office without meeting anyone except a few SGC crewmen - thank God. He'd given Jack the slip deliberately. He didn't want anyone fussing over him, trying to make sure that his emotions were still reasonably intact...again.
He slumped in his chair and sighed. He had to think about what he'd done...what he would have done...if Shifu had really given him those memories instead of being a hellova lot smarter than Dr. Daniel Jackson, PhD, merely giving him a vision.
'Absolute power corrupts absolutely.'
Daniel gave a laugh. He'd always thought of himself as a good person, he'd always had that certainty about himself. He'd never wanted to hurt anyone and yet one tiny bit of power and there he was, blowing up Moscow and sending its residents to kingdom come. For the greater good.
Memories of his year of power flitted through his mind and he started sifting through them. He'd managed to kill Teal'c, by sending him on a mission that was bound to get him killed, got Sam arrested and thrown in prison, and humiliated Jack.
'Where's your moral compass now, Dr. Jackson?'
And the worst of it was, he knew why he'd done everything. And he knew, that at the time everything had been the right thing to do. Except for Teal'c. He'd never realised how much anger he still had inside of him over Sha're until he'd had the ability to punish Teal'c for ruining his life.
Had everything he'd said on Cartago been a lie? He'd defended Teal'c, claimed that Teal'c was a good person - and yet he'd been happy to see him die. Removed from Daniel's life so that he would no longer have to be reminded of the fact that Sha're had suffered due to Teal'c's actions, and died due to Teal'c's damnable desire to save Daniel's life.
Oh God. He hated Teal'c for saving his life. He'd just never seen it till now.
And Sam? Too smart for her own good. He'd cut her out of his life, and cut her out of the project because he knew she'd see through him. His final act towards her had been to get her put into prison where she would be conveniently out of his way.
Did he really hate two of his best friends that much that he never wanted to see them again? No, he knew that part wasn't true. Part of him, a very dark, deep, hidden part of him, hated Teal'c. Hated him for killing Sha're. Hated him for choosing her to be Amonet's host. But he didn't really hate Teal'c. Not really. Teal'c had never had a choice until Jack came along and offered him the chance to do good instead of bad. Teal'c had been prepared to die on Cartago, to pay for his part in Apophis's evil. Teal'c wasn't evil. Daniel had forgiven Teal'c a long time ago for everything he'd done. He knew that Teal'c could never forgive himself, part of what made him so strong was his determination to never cause such pain ever again. And Daniel knew that he admired Teal'c - his honour, his courage. He didn't hate Teal'c.
And Sam? No, he didn't hate Sam. He could never hate Sam. Everything he'd done, except for Teal'c, had been to protect the world from the Goa'uld. That was the irony of it. He'd killed thousands to save more. In spite of his fondness for Sam, he'd had to get her away from himself. Otherwise, she would have seen what he was up to and try to stop him. Try to save him from himself. He'd become a monster to defend the world from monsters.
Everything he'd done, everything he'd said had been to save Earth. No matter what the cost to him. His friendships, his integrity, his honesty, he'd sold them all to save Earth. He realised that all of his drive, ambition, stubborness, came from that dark part of himself, that would do almost anything to save his world. To save people from suffering the pain and anguish of seeing the woman they loved raise a hand to destroy them.
And Jack. What about Jack? Daniel sat up straighter and rubbed the threatened tears away angrily. He'd humiliated Jack. Look at me, I'm the smart one! See what I can do? You're not so big and in control now, are you Jack? He might as well have said it all. He knew that Jack had a tendency to...protect him. Treat him like a kid brother, extra smart in some ways, not so smart in others.
*Geez Daniel, when you gonna learn to duck?*
'Oh God.'
Daniel buried his head in his hands. Jack's...fear...of him had pleased him. He'd felt like he'd grown up and stepped out of Jack's shadow at last. Not just Danny boy who needed a smart mouthed Colonel to keep him out of trouble and save his ass time and time again. At least, that was how a lot of people seemed to see him. No, this time he'd been the one in control. He'd never realised. He'd never seen how much he wanted people's respect. He wanted to be able to go back to those stuffed shirts who'd disbelieved him about the pyramids and say, "See? You were wrong!" He wanted to show them all and he'd shown Jack.
'Damn. Damn, damn, damn. What do you do now, Dr. Jackson?'
And yet, he didn't want to show Jack anything. He knew that Jack respected him, his brains, and his knowledge. He didn't have anything to prove to Jack. That had just been a by-product of showing all those politicians...all those stuffed shirts...how wrong they were. How weak they were. He'd taken control for the greater good. He'd been prepared to kill for the greater good. At least he hadn't really done it. At least he didn't have that to deal with - just the knowledge that he would have done it if he could.
And he'd deal with it. No matter what the cost to his heart, or his soul. He'd deal with the truth because that was what he'd always done. No matter how much pain it caused, he'd always preferred the truth to lies.
He heard footsteps coming down the corridor and raised his head.
'The tracker must be working.'
The door opened.
"Hey," Jack said casually.
"Hey, Jack."
"What ya doin'?"
"Just thinking."
Jack came in and shut the door. "Need any help?"
Daniel sighed. The smart mouthed Colonel was going to get him out of trouble again, he guessed, but he wouldn't have it any other way. "I'm gonna be okay."
"Course you are, kid," Jack grinned. He'd spent an hour searching before thinking to call the mountain and see if Danny had doubled back there. But he didn't mind. That's what friends are for.
And Danny smiled back.
~finis~